Mom’s a Telephone Hog

Hey, It’s Jet Here.

Yesterday, I mentioned Mom’s Do-hickie thing she uses sometimes when talking on the telephone.  Well, I forgot to mention, she’s a telephone hog!  She rarely lets ME speak to people on the phone.  Most of the time, I let it slide.  However, she really must learn to share, especially when certain people are on the line.

For example, I love Rachel’s Godmother, who we call Madrina.  I have a 6th sense when she’s on the phone.  At first, I politely yipp.  Usually, Mom keeps talking.  Naturally, I bark more seriously, to get my point across.  Next, I do my whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, sounds and if absolutely necessary, give it my deepest sustained combination “you’re not getting this are you?” bark.

If I’m lucky, Mom will put Madrina on speaker and I woof into the microphone and Madrina talks to me.  Oh, I’m a good listener, too.  I perk up my ears to ensure I hear every word.  Mostly, Mom takes me by the collar and does that distracting stuff.  Distracting stuff may include:

  • That Cesar Millan guy’s tch sound – like that’s going to change my mind.
  • Petting me – I let her get away with that for a while, why not?
  • Offering me a toy or chewy – does she really think I’m that easy? Ok, sometimes I am that easy.
  • Ignoring me – silly, silly Mom…

Tonight, I befuddled Mom.  While she spoke with Madrina, I practiced all methods listed above.  In the middle of her chat, she took a call from my human sister’s doctor.  I did not bark once during their conversation.  When Mom resumed her call with Madrina, I resumed above listed methods of communication.  Mom and Madrina wanted to know how I knew the difference.  Yes Jet, I really do want to know, I’m truly puzzled.  Mom, can’t give away all the trade secrets you know, K-9 code.

Another great day.

My Two Human Peeves

Hey, It’s Jet Here…

Ok, I just have to get this off my fur.  Mom says she has pet peeves, like when a person puts their right blinker on and changes three lanes to the left or vise versa.  Well Mom, I have two HUMAN PEEVES today.

First:  Just because you humans think moving Mother Nature’s clock around is a good idea; don’t expect us K-9s to jump on board.  We’ve already discussed my “It’s Another Great Day Alarm” and my “Belly Alarm” in a prior post.

So I did what I always do, this morning I woke you at 5:00 a.m./4:00 a.m.  You were a nice enough Mom to feed me at the “new” 4:30 a.m. allowing me to do this thing called transitioning to the new time.  Then again this evening, my belly alarm went off at the “new” 5:00, accurate as always under the previous schedule.  You tried to do this distracting stuff like unload the dishwasher and reload the dishwasher, knowing that I love licking the remnants… pretty clever.  Thanks for feeding me @ 5:40 p.m. allowing for that transition stuff again.  Oh yeah, I really appreciated the super big bone from the freezer after our walk tonight.  I guess that made the time change stuff ok.

Second:  You can call it an Elizabethan collar but, let’s face it, you humans call it the “Satellite Dish” and the “Cone of Shame”, which hurts our feelings.  What do you know; at most you humans wear a little squishy Whiplash collar, big deal.  Jet, I must interject here.  We put the collar on you because unlike Dr. Shaffer, you did not attend Vet school.  Your helpful nursing of your assorted boo-boos has cost me a great deal of $$.  You are quite the trooper about the “Cone of Shame”, I mean collar.  The fact that you permitted our young human friend, Ruby, to put the crown on, well… just shows what a fine character you have.  I’m proud of you.  Thanks Mom.

Another almost great day.

Distance Learning

Hey, It’s Jet Here.

You know, there’s a lot to be said for continuing education.  My human family believes in education strongly.  Mom has a bunch of letters after her name like J.D. (Just Delicious??? No, Jetty, it means I went to law school!), H.H.C. (Happy, Happy Canine? No, Jetty, it means Holistic Health Counselor) K.C. (Kite Chaser? No, Jetty, it means Kitchen Counselor!) My Nana earned some M. somethings (Double Masters), Grandma Caz earned her M. something and still researches and writes for her P.H.D. (Phantastic Hot Dogs? No, Jetty, it means she’s working towards her doctorate!) Grandma Peggy has a bunch of letters about being good in something called accounting and estate planning, and… big news… my Grandpa got the highest honor from the University of Miami yesterday… Iron Arrow!

My sister, Koko, didn’t quite finish her class at Pet Something or Other, but… she passed her Therapy Dogs Inc. test with flying colors.  When contemplating my educational path, Mom and I realized I am a paws-on kind of guy.  One day, when my human sister, Rachel, was watching TV, I saw the image that would change my life.  He talks, he has 4 paws like me, he receives lots of snacks, he stars in his own multi-media empire (TV, books, movies) and acts goofy, funny, and even scared sometimes.  My guru, my teacher, my mentor – SCOOBY DOO!

I enrolled in the Scooby Doo Detective Academy and never looked back.  Today’s examples:  hearing and smelling moving objects (jogger with big dog, jogger without dog, and the dreaded… LOOSE C.A.T.)  I warned Mom by barking at the jogger with big dog, picking up our pace with the jogger for further detecting, and dragging Mom to stay hot on the trail of the C.A.T.  Also, I continue my sniffing surveillance of the musky odor emanating from the Mean Lady’s House.  (Jet, you are right, they spread new mulch there last weekend.) I pottied there a few times this week to show that stuff who’s boss!

More lessons soon, I’m going to encourage Mom to give me some Jetty Snacks!

Another great day.

What Type of Alarm Clock Do You Use?

Hey, It’s Jet Here.

Mom said that since we are getting acquainted, I should tell you how I begin each day.  As I mentioned a few posts ago, when I joined Mom’s family, my life became much happier.  Each morning, my “It’s Another Great Day” Alarm goes off around 5:00 a.m.  Here’s the technique I share with the family:

  • Since Mom sleeps on the left side of her bed, I sidle up beside where her forearm/elbow/upper arm rests.
  • I’m ambidextrous, so, I can use either left or right front paw.  I take my paw and brush it twice on mom’s arm.  If she doesn’t pay attention, I will repeat this step.
  • Most mornings a combo of paw and whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa will do the trick.  Note to other K-9s… do not bark, humans do not like this.

I must interject here.  When sharing this info with friends, they said, 5 a.m.? Don’t let him out, don’t give him breakfast, he’ll sleep longer or learn to leave you alone.  Here’s the thing – I do not let him out and I do NOT feed him until 6:00 a.m. and he’s not pesty.  Over the last three years, it seems like he’s telling us – Hey, it’s another great day, let’s go!  Also, I think his border collie roots kick in and he sees the light and thinks it’s herding time!

Moooommm… my post, remember?

  • Mom tried to synch my wake up time with Koko’s.  She told me that ladies (Mom and Koko) like their beauty rest and would prefer to wake up at 7:00 a.m.  I feel they would miss the best part of the day continuing with that routine. The sunrise, the ducks and other creatures that cross our yard, the mangos that thud in season… c’mon.  In fact, now that I have Mom on schedule, I’ve heard her tell her friends that she gets a lot done before she goes to work.
  • Finally, my belly alarm clock goes off between 5:45 and 6:05.  Mom said she would like to do this patent thing, because she cannot believe how accurate I am.  When I’m a few minutes early, she whispers in my ear that my belly alarm went off too soon and I have to wait a little while.  She kisses my ear, so, it’s hard to get mad.
  • Oh, the last touch?  BIG TIP HERE:  If your human is grumpy in the morning, roll over on your back with your paws in the air and smile… this aspect of the belly alarm will turn any human frown upside down.  Here’s the proper form, demonstrated by my sister, Koko.  (Mom’s gonna try to upload a photo for the first time, good luck!)

Another Great Day.